By Ann: This complex disorder or syndrome refers to women’s fear of being independent and wanting to be taken care of which has been named after the fairy tale story of Cinderella. Women were often taught from a young age that they should get married and have children and not work. Times have changed a lot since those days, but there is still the mentality that their knight in shining armor is out there and will turn up one day. It was once thought if you weren’t married by a certain age, you were left on the shelf to become a spinster.
I am not saying marriage is wrong or living with a partner. Equality in decision making and independence and earning a living is still possible while in a marriage/relationship. There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker if you know your worth and you are not a second-class citizen.
Some women fear they cannot support themselves and may even stay in an abusive relationship because of this. This complex may be derived from low self-esteem and upbringing. This type of woman puts a man on a pedestal and worships them thinking he is perfect which puts a high expectation on the relationship. Group therapy can be helpful by seeing others with this problem.
They feel the need to be saved by a man to look after them and this can lead to a controlling relationship. So, this can have a reverse effect so be careful what you wish for. Couples can share a co-dependency and be there for each other in a healthy environment. A therapist can help break down stereotypes and build confidence so as to have healthy relationships. Love stories start with once upon a time and end with and they lived happily ever after. This is not realistic and is like wearing rose colored glasses constantly. It’s nice to be positive and see the good in people rather than being cynical, but balance is needed so as not to be fooled and miss the red flags. A healthy marriage lasts because of respect and honesty.
In the Cinderella story, her mother died and her father remarried, then later on passed away and her stepmother and stepsisters treated her like a slave and her only way out was to meet prince charming. In fact, most people don’t fall in love at first meeting. So, in real life learn to be independent and don’t let anyone put you down and you will attract a man who loves you for you. Don’t wait for a man to save you, instead, be your own person and respect yourself. You will be more interesting to talk to and emit a sense of worth which no one can take away from you. Women should be taught like men to be educated and can also have a trade to be able to support themselves if need be. Life can change quickly and having something to fall back on is very important. This is not to say that raising children is not important if that is what you want, it is one of the most important jobs in the world. Being independent in marriage is healthy along with good communication without secrets of cause.
You should be able to buy yourself things without asking for permission as an adult. I am not promoting feminism, just self-worth and self-esteem not a desperate housewife. If you are lonely, don’t think prince charming will come knocking on your door because it’s probably just a salesman trying to sell you something. If you are housebound, try letter writing and joining pen pal groups online if they are reputable and not scams. Joining social groups with similar interests as yourself, whether that be in sports or artistic or book reading interests. There are many ways to meet people and make friends, but make it your choice and not believing in fairy tales.
Love and Light