I am sure that we have all at one time or another in our lives have come across people who have no regard for anyone but themselves but in appearance seem to be the most kind, loving and giving person on the planet. If you do come across these people you can bet that they will treat you with the utmost respect, seem to like any interest you do, always seem to text or phone you constantly to make you feel special or shower you with gifts. They make you feel that you have finally found the one. This is what is known has love bombing.
Three months down the track all seems to be going well, except you start noticing some things that make you think twice. Things that had happened during the love bombing but because there was always so much going on you ignored it. The little subtle things like how he/she seemed to make out that everyone else was always at fault. Eg: The reason why the last relationship broke up because she became a Psycho (their words). Not only do you pick up on those subtle things, but the arguments start and they start to show their true colours. Not only are they verbally abusing you, but suddenly they have started to financially abuse and eventually you are backed into a corner with what seems to be no way out. You feel isolated with no one to turn to. This was their plan all along, to have you dependent on them. They were controlling you, you were just a thing, a possession to be kept around because you served a purpose to them.
The moment you have had enough and start to take you power back, this is when they really start to ramp up the abuse. Suddenly they don’t hide how they are any more and are constantly attacking you from all angles, even enlisting other people who will believe everything they say about you. These people are called enablers or Flying Monkeys, because they become the ones who will start to do things to you. Not the abuser. This makes the abuser look good in other people’s eyes and this makes you look bad. Therefore, everything that happened is your fault and you find no matter how hard you try to explain the situation no one understands this and you are left feeling anxious and bewildered again, and the more you try to defend yourself the more you seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into a black hole. You have not one person but two or more people coming at you from all angles. Even though the enabler or Flying Monkey does realise that what is happening is wrong, in deep recess of his brain they are also enjoying watching the drama unfold and watching you being destroyed. This in the aim of the Narcissist, to destroy at any cost.
How do you heal from a situation like this, how do move past the bombarding of abuse coming at you from all angles? Well the best way is cut all contact with these people. Easier said than done you say, no matter what I try they are always there. This is even harder if you have children with these people. It’s like an obsession with them, the feel that you need to be punished because of what you did to them. In a nutshell you left them. This is enough for the abuser or Narcissist to go into full on mode. You have suddenly become enemy no one. They will try to bombard you with anything, made up court cases, stalking, cyber bullying not just by them but also by their Flying Monkeys.
The Best way for this is an intervention order, and although some don’t respect it, it can eventually be very costly for the person disobeying it, with jail time included. Another way is cut all contact with this person, delete their number, delete the people helping them with the smear campaign. Block them all from face book and any social media you are on. With an order out, they can’t post anything on social media and this a violation against the order. Don’t try to defend yourself unless it is absolutely necessary. The Narcissist no longer has any control over you. You are not reacting to anything, but above all, forgive yourself, don’t keep beating yourself up. Remember you have done nothing wrong but try to love and help this person and in return you were destroyed.
You can come back from this, will help from friends and family and also trying to understand the nature of the beast. You will never get an apology from these people and the more you try, the more you set yourself up for a fall. Do research about the Narcissist. Read, understand the behavior and then allow yourself to feel the anger and pain. Once you have a better understanding of the beast, you can move past it and also stop yourself from falling into the same trap.
ABOVE ALL, BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT.
Love and Light