By Audrey: When we’ve been vibing with someone after a few dates or even via social media and video chat, it can be very thrilling. This is the honeymoon stage in a new relationship. The butterflies are in full flutter during this magical time in new love. The next natural step is you both decide to create a future together and become comfortable in the relationship.
What happens when it’s months, sometimes years down the road with this person and real life gets all too real. those repetitive tasks in cohabitation such as who should do the dirty dishes? Who does the laundry? Or who’s turn is it to walk the dog? etc. How do you continue to connect? It is often caused by hitting a communication wall, you’re not knowing how to reach out and voice your needs or how to listen and understand your partner’s needs. Having a wall where your flowing communication used to be can lead to lack of action when it comes to common goals and can spur all sorts of other difficult problems within the relationship. To avoid this road block, we need to understand how to talk to our partner without upsetting them as well as ourselves. Oftentimes anger and sadness go hand and hand, and arise when we feel hurt by our partner and don’t address that boundary that should have been set earlier on.
These feelings are to be absorbed, acknowledged, felt and processed then once fully processed let go of before approaching your partner and tackling the issue that has created this wall in the first place. This is a person that you love and care about. It’s important to remember this when talking about your needs and asking them to share their thoughts and feelings on the issue at hand. Also being in a calm state of mind will allow you to express yourself properly and really listen to your partner. If you find yourself in a discussion where the emotions are drifting to anger and voices are starting to increase volume, stop and remember two things, nothing is resolved in anger, and walking away to return to the subject is not a loss, it’s a win, a win for your heart and for the love you both share. Before approaching your partner, remember the TALK method.
Together for a reason, it’s important to reflect on what drew you to this person in the first place, how they make you feel as a companion and as an important part of your future. Remembering that you both love one another is the most important thing when discussing any topic, especially difficult issues within the relationship. When you view your partnership as one team with one common goal, this is when you can take on the world and have success as one unit. It always has to be you together versus the problem, never you against one another.
Ask the right questions, the right way. Asking your partner how they feel about a problem in the relationship as opposed to telling them how they should feel and how they should fix it, opens up a positive dialogue. This technique really is a game changer, this shows you’re genuinely interested in your partner’s thoughts and feelings and that they are valued and appreciated in the discussion as well as the relationship.
Let the other person speak, and really listen. When we discuss personal issues within our relationship it becomes just that personal. We often want to get ahead of our partner and do damage control in a verbal way, this is a mistake silence during a emotional declaration is a respectful way to show pure love and understanding. Keeping your mind open and absorbing what the other person is saying allows us to remain calm and truly understand where our partner is emotionally, what there needs are and what they want to do about this specific challenge.
Know your own mind. Before trying to solve a problem in the relationship, we must first ask ourselves “Why is this a problem?” and “Why am I really upset about this problem?” But most importantly, “What can I do to communicate my feelings about this problem in a productive way?”. These three simple questions make all the difference in initiating a conversation and creating a plan as one to overcome the real issue that is the true route of the problem.
Remember this acronym TALK when there are the inevitable bumps in the road, there are very few problems in a relationship that cant be resolved by communication. If you’re both dedicated and in love with one another, TALK is how you can create a plan and beat obstacles within and without the relationship. Thinking about being together for a reason, asking the right questions in the right way, letting the other person speak and really listening, combined with knowing your own mind can keep you on track for a happy future with your partner and can bring you both back to a meaningful connection full of love and joy.
Love and Light,