By Counselor Karen: You would be surprised how many people struggle with toxic relationships. Toxic relationships are those romantic connections, group of friends, or even some family members that cause you to feel down about yourself and those around you. Toxic relationships are those relationships that make you question your own self worth and also steal your joy when it comes to your own self esteem. It does not matter how long you have struggled with one because the good news is you don’t have to let these relationships tie you down.
Personally I have allowed myself to fall for these relationships over my lifetime. The thing is really good people tend to be victims of this more than anyone else and that is because people known as “giver” personalities don’t know how to say no or to tell people when they have had enough. You are not weak if you are like this, you just are lacking the basics of believing in yourself enough to cut those chains that bind and allow yourself the joy that life has to offer you without others dictating your happiness.
First off I always recommend if you are stuck in a position of hanging around people that hurt you, or talk behind your back, or even in a relationship where you are physically and mentally getting abused that you sit down and from your heart write a pros and cons list about the good and bad things that revolve around this person or people to help you decide if you need to cut the chains that bind you to them. If you really do this from the heart the answer will be on the bottom of that piece of paper when you are done.
Second, don’t feel bad about your decision to break away from the toxic relationship or relationships that are hurting you. God has a way of always bringing new people to your life when others have left. Seasons of life are real and there will always be seasons of change and new friends or love relationships around the corner. Don’t let the fear of being alone stop you from loving the most important person in your life and that is yourself. Once they have made you believe you are not worthy then really the only way to go is up in life in learning to love yourself again.
Third, you were the same person you were before this as you are going to be after except much stronger. Sometimes you just need to get back to what makes you happy and do things such as hobbies you dropped since the relationship started. Things that made you who you are and that brought joy to your heart.
Fourth, don’t beat yourself up for failing at trying to be with someone that did not value you or what you had to offer. Sometimes even people are just a reason for a season and you both move forward. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself it all boils down to they are hurting so they feel they have to hurt you. This usually happens because you are a great person and you tend to always be there for them even when they don’t deserve your attention.
Life is too short to stay around people that are negative and pull you down with them. Life is really too short to stay with someone that abuses you in any capacity. God gave us each one life and He wants us to live it to the fullest. Loving others most definitely, but on the other hand not being taken advantage of that you lose sight of the wonderful person you are and the great relationships that are in store for you. So break those chains that bind because when you do its happiness that you will find!
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